180+ Funny Golf Phrases That Every Golfer Will Laugh At

Many individuals might perceive golf as a serious and leisurely game, yet it also boasts a fun and comedic aspect. If you've just begun playing golf and wish to appear knowledgeable about the sport, consider mentioning a humorous golf quote or making a golf-themed joke or sarcastic remark. In this article, we’ve compiled an assortment of funny golf phrases, ranging from well-known quotes to comments suitable for the golf course, along with puns and jokes. Additionally, discover amusing golf terminology and its meanings.

To impress your friends with your golf knowledge, you might want to mention a quote from a well-known golfer. In addition to many classic and punny sayings about golf, there are also plenty of humorous ones. Here are a few examples:

1. “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” – Mark Twain
2. “Pressure is when you play $5 a hole with only $2 in your pocket.” – Lee Trevino
3. “Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” – Jack Benny
4. “Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.” – Arnold Palmer
5. “I don’t always one putt, but when I do it’s usually for double bogey.”
6. “To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.” – P. G. Wodehouse

7. “While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.” – Henny Youngman
8. “The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” – Billy Graham
9. “They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.” – Raymond Floyd
10. “Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.”
11. “The manly sport of golf where you can dress like a pimp and no one will care.” – Robin Williams
12. “The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law.” – H. G. Wells
13. “I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.” – Bob Hope
14. “Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.” – Bruce Lansky
15. “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin

16. “Golf is such an exciting game. Whack the ball, get in the cart. Whack the ball, get in the cart.” – Robin Williams

17. “That putt had more breaks than a government job.” – Brian Weis
18. “The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” – George Deukmejian
19. “Ever watch golf on TV? It’s like watching flies f**k.” – George Carlin
20. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle
21. “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” – Gerald Ford
22. “Golf: A plague invented by the Calvinistic Scots as a punishment for man’s sins.” – James Barrett Reston
23. “The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.” – Phyllis Diller
24. “Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex–wife.” – Bruce Lansky
25. “Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot.” – David Marr

26. “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon

27. “Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.” – David Feherty
28. “Golf is a game in which you yell "fore"... shoot six... and write down five.” – Paul Harvey
29. “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.” – Anonymous
30. “I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I'm really worried about myself. I was actually enjoying it.” – Ewan McGregor

31. “Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.”
32. “The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.” – Ben Hogan
33. “On being asked, before his final round, what he had to shoot to win the golf tournament.” – 34. “The rest of the field.” – Roger Maltbie
35. “I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.” – Gerald Ford
36. “We learn so many things from golf—how to suffer, for instance.” – Bruce Lansky
37. “My drinking team has a golfing problem.”
38. “If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.” – Thomas Mulligan
39. “Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.” – Winston Churchill
40. “When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.” – Wives of many golfers

41. “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it is called an eraser.” – Arnold Palmer
42. “Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill–designed for the purpose.” – Winston Churchill
43. “Show me a man with a great golf game, and I’ll show you a man who has been neglecting something.” – John F. Kennedy
44. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” – Babe Ruth
45. “It’s not hard to keep your ball in the fairway, so long as you're not picky about which fairway.” 
46. “Right near the end I’ll put a flat piece with a little flag to give you f**kin hope.” – Robin Williams as the drunk Scotsman who invented golf
47. “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” – Bob Hope
48. “Actually, the only time I ever took out a one–iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.” – Jim Murray
49. “I don't care to join any club that's prepared to have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
50. “Think of the brains it takes to play golf. Hitting a ball with a crooked stick, and then walking after it. And then hitting it again. I say pick it up a$$ hole. You’re lucking you found it. Put it in your pocket and go the f**ck home will ya!” – George Carlin

Golf can be frustrating at times, so sharing a joke can help lighten the mood. Bring joy to your fellow golfers with these amusing (and cheesy) suggestions: 

51. “What do you call an angry golfer? Teed off!”
52. “Golf is a lot like taxes. You go for the green and end up in the hole.”
53. “What’s a golfer’s favorite bird? Any birdie will do.”

54. “Where do ghosts play golf? On the golf corpse.”

55. “What’s the best quality in a golf partner? They play worse than you do!”

56. “What do golfers do on their day off? Putter around.”
57. “Did you hear about the golfer who didn’t have metal clubs in his bag? He was iron deficient.”
58. “Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing.”
59. “What do you call a wizard who can turn into a golf club? Harry Putter.”
60. “Why don’t grasshoppers play golf? They like cricket better.”
61. “What type of beard is best for a golfer? A goatee.”
62. “What’s a golfer’s worst nightmare? The Bogeyman.”
63. “Golf balls are like eggs because they’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.”
64. “What did Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? May the Fores be with you.”

65. “What’s a golfer’s favorite dance move? The bogey.”
66. “What do you get when you cross a baseball field with a golf course? A diamond in the rough.”

67. “What do you use to find the location of a golf ball? A lie detector.”

68. “How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore!”

69. “What are a golfer’s favorite flowers? Fore-get me nots.”

70. “Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one.”

71. “Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course!”

72. “What’s the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.”

73. “Golfing on election day? Make sure you cast an absent-tee ballot!”

74. “My wife says she’s tired of my obsession with golf. I think it’s driving a wedge between us.”

75. “When is the golf course too wet to play golf? When your golf cart capsizes.”

Golf is the only sport where “skill” and “survival” feel like the same thing. If you want funny golf phrases that match real golf skills (driving, irons, short game, and putting), use the lines below to roast yourself or your buddies while still sounding like you know the game’s lingo.

76. “I do not hit a slice. I just aim at the next fairway.” (A slice is a common miss that curves away from target for many golfers.)

77. “My driver has two settings: search party and apology.”

78. “Fairway finder? I am more of a fairway renter.”

79. “That was not a power fade. That was a career choice.” (Fade, draw, hook, slice are standard shot shape language.)

80. “If confidence added yards, I would be on the PGA Tour by now.”

81. “Pure contact, wrong planet.”

82. “I flushed it… emotionally. The ball did not get the memo.”

83. “I did not hit it fat. I was just testing turf interaction.” (Fat and thin are common mishits golfers talk about.)

84. “That is a strategic layup… from 140 yards.”

85. “My swing plane is more of a swing suggestion.”

86. “Short game is easy: just miss the green in the correct area.”

87. “Nice chip. Too bad the hole is not over there.”

88. “That bunker shot was so clean it needs a tip jar.”

89. “I am elite around the greens… at finding new ways to do it.”

90. “Up and down? More like up and maybe eventually down.”

91. “I am a great putter. The hole just moves.”

92. “Read it perfectly. Rolled it passionately. Missed it professionally.”

93. “That was not a three putt. That was a confidence rebuild.”

94. “My lag putting is strong. My follow up putting is a mystery.”

95. “I do not have the yips. I have the advanced version of excitement.” (“Yips” is a common term golfers use for putting or chipping jitters.)

96. “My handicap is accurate. My expectations are not.”

97. “I play golf for the exercise: walking to my ball. Repeatedly.”

98. “I am not inconsistent. I am creatively unpredictable.”

99. “Swing thoughts: yes.”

100. “Golf is simple. Execute perfectly under pressure.” (Golf frustration is a recurring theme in golf humor.)

Playing golf can be an excellent way to connect with your friends or meet new people. Maintain a positive atmosphere by teasing your friends lightly when they hit a poor shot. Be open to poking fun at yourself as well. Here are a few examples:

101. When someone chunks or tops one: “I think the problem is you’re standing too close to the ball—after it lands.”

102. “Right postage, wrong zip code.”

103. When someone hits a high tee shot: “I hope it doesn’t burn up upon re-entry.”

104. “I haven’t played this bad since the last time I played!”

105. When someone’s ball is headed to the drink: “Cannonball!”

106. When someone stripes a drive one: “Can’t wait to see how you turn this into a 6.”

107. “Other than speed and direction, that was a nice putt.”

108. When someone hits the trees: “Who made you branch manager?”

109. When someone slices the ball: “If you grew tomatoes, I bet they’d come out sliced.”

110. “Maybe you’re left-handed?”

111. When someone obviously misses a putt: “How did that not go in?”

112. “There are only two ways to lose at golf—you don’t press enough or you run out of daylight.”

113. When you hit a nice drive: “They serve drinks on flights shorter than that.”

114. “That would’ve been a great shot if that was where you were aiming.”

115. When someone shoots a hook: “Catch any fish with that hook?”

116. “It looked good in the air.”

117. When you’re looking for someone’s ball: “There it isn’t!”

118. When someone misses a putt: “Right club, though.”

119. “I don’t drive that far on vacation!”

120. When someone hits a really good shot: “Man, those clubs are really forgiving.”

121. On a bad tee shot: “Bold of you to lay up from here.”

122. If you stick one in the trees: “I think it opens up over there.”

123. “Where’d you learn to hit a ball like that? I’d stay away from there from now on.”

124. You Bon Jovi’d that one… Halfway there.

125. When you hole a putt from 10 feet or more: “Drive for show, putt for dough!”

Golf is full of moments that don’t always go as planned, and that’s exactly where the humor comes in. Over time, golfers have created humorous slang to laugh off bad shots, unlucky bounces, and relatable mistakes. Below are some humorous golf term definitions that make the game more enjoyable and easier to smile about.

126. Wormburner: A wormburner, sometimes called a snakeraker or bughugger, is a shot where the ball stays on the ground or barely lifts a few feet off the ground, effectively "burning" worms due to the friction created.

127. Breakfast ball: A breakfast ball is an informal golf rule granting a player an extra shot—or mulligan—on their first tee. This happens because the initial shot is often imperfect, and it is referred to as a breakfast ball since golfers typically play early in the day.

128. Hosel rocket: A hosel rocket is slang for a shank, which occurs when a player hits the hosel of the club instead of the clubface, causing the ball to launch in an unexpected direction.

129. Mickey Mouse course: A Mickey Mouse course denotes a golf course that is inadequately maintained and features numerous short holes. This term parallels “Mickey Mouse degree,” implying that both are seen as unimportant or lacking quality.

130. Fried egg: A fried egg is a situation where a golf ball is buried in sand within a bunker, with only the top portion of the ball visible, resembling a fried egg surrounded by a ring of sand.

131. Chicken stick: A chicken stick is the golf club a player uses most frequently. Golfers choose this club when faced with a tough shot and prefer to take a safer route, as they trust this club and feel hesitant to use a different one.

132. Whiff: A whiff occurs when a player swings at a golf ball but misses it entirely. These swings count as strokes and contribute to the player's total score since the player aimed to hit the ball, but there is no penalty for missing.

133. Chili dip: A chili dip describes a poorly executed shot in which the club head strikes the ground before contacting the ball, leading to minimal or no movement of the ball. This typically occurs on shorter shots like chips and is also known as fat shots, heavy shots, or chunked shots.

134. Platypus: In golf, a platypus refers to the uncommon situation where a player hits their ball out of bounds yet still manages to make par. The term highlights the rarity of this event, akin to the uniqueness of the platypus animal.

135. Coast-to-coast flight: A coast-to-coast flight describes a shot that travels from one green-side bunker across the putting green to another bunker on the opposite side, resembling a journey across the country.

If you enjoy clever wordplay, creating a pun is an excellent way to demonstrate your understanding of golf terminology. Your friends might pretend not to enjoy it, but they likely secretly admire the cleverness of a well-crafted pun. Here are a few examples: 

136. “Careful there, putter fingers!”

137. “It’s a hole new ball game.”

138. “You drive me crazy.”
139. “All bets par off.”
140. “Green there, done that.”
141. “May the course be with you.”
142. “This is the start of a beautiful friend-chip.”

143. “Down putt not out.”

144. “It’s ball or nothing.”

145. “Who’s your caddy?”

146. “I’m at a loss fore words.”

147. “This is my cup of tee.”

148. “Let’s par-tee!”

149. “No ifs, ands, or putts.”

150. “Golf forth and prosper.”

151. “I like big putts and I cannot lie.”

152. “What a load of trap!”

153. “You’re the best, by par.”

154. “How about a spot of tee?”

155. “Putter late than never.”

156. “Stay humble and put your eagle aside.”

157. “Good times as par as the eye can see.”

158. “Stop coursing, there are kids around!”

159. “Talk birdie to me.”

160. “It’s a tee-utiful day.”

Golf legends are known not only for their skill but also for their sharp wit and memorable humor. Below are some iconic golf quotes that capture the funny side of the game through the words of the sport’s greatest players.

161. Happiness is a long walk with a putter. – Greg Norman

162. The road to success is always under construction. – Arnold Palmer

163. Nobody asked how you looked, just what you shot. – Sam Snead

164. Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. – Chi Chi Rodriguez

165. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. – Gary Player

166. If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1–iron. Not even God can hit a 1–iron. – Lee Trevino

167. Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger. – Arnold Palmer

168. The older I get, the better I used to be. – Lee Trevino

169. Placing the ball in the right position for the next shot is eighty percent of winning golf. – Ben Hogan

170. I play golf with my friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games. – Ben Hogan

171. Winning isn’t everything, but wanting it is. – Arnold Palmer

172. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. – Sam Snead
173. The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he’s worse, he’s neglecting his golf. – St. Andrews Rotary Club Member

174. The more I practice the luckier I get. – Arnold Palmer

175. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play. – Gary Player

176. I have a tip that will take five strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser. – Arnold Palmer

177. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. – Arnold Palmer

Golf movies add another layer of humor to the game, blending unforgettable characters with laugh-out-loud moments. Below are some classic golf quotes from golf films that perfectly capture the fun and frustration every golfer can relate to.

178. Don’t sell yourself short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch. – Ty Webb, Caddyshack

179. Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer – huge ass. – Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore

180. Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. – Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

181. If I saw myself in clothes like that I’d have to kick my own ass. – Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore

182. Golf and sex are about the only two things you can enjoy even if you’re not good at them. – Roy McAvoy, Tin Cup

183. Doing the bull dance. Feelin’ the flow. Workin’ it. Workin’ it. – Gary Potter (Kevin Nealon), Happy Gilmore

184. Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice. – Judge Smails, Caddyshack

185. It’s all in the hips! — Chubbs, Happy Gilmore

186. This is your wife, huh? Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity. – Al Czervik

187. Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need an expert opinion. – Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

188. The price is wrong, bitch. – Happy Gilmore, Happy Gilmore

189. Former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole. – Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

190. You ever shoot par with a 7 iron? – Roy McAvoy, Tin Cup